Attachment theory is one of the most influential psychological theories, which suggests that early childhood forms unconscious templates for our social interactions. Although the impact of attachment styles is mostly discussed in the context of romantic relationships, its influence reaches much further.
Did you suppose that the way you interact with technologies can also be formed in your early childhood? The way you text, scroll, wait for replies, or avoid notifications is also a part of your unique attachment style.
No need to wonder, “What is attachment style in relationships?” Simply observe your tech habits. Here’s a test to do exactly this for you.
What Is My Attachment Style? According to My Tech Habits
Why can relationships with technology reflect our attachment styles in general? Modern technology, in many ways, replaces social communication due to social media. But attachment styles also form many of our habits, like how often we check our phones or whether we are prone to splurging on tech-related purchases.
It’s very common for attachment-related questions to appear in relationships. But if you’ve ever wondered, ” What type of attachment style do I have?” but aren’t a relationship person, this tech-based test is right for you. Important: this quiz has educational purposes and cannot replace a formal assessment.
Secure Attachment
Secure attachment develops when early relationships were mostly reliable and emotionally responsive. As an adult, this translates into comfort with closeness and independence at the same time.
Check the statements about your tech habits that feel the closest to you to know if you have a secure attachment style:
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I reply to messages in a reasonable time without procrastination or pressure.
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Text messages or emails don’t feel daunting or threatening to me.
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I won’t make any assumptions if a person takes a while to text back.
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I check notifications when I feel like it, without pressure to miss something out.
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I use social media for enjoyment or information.
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I don’t care what people online might say about me.
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I feel comfortable initiating conversations but also letting them end naturally.
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I don’t reread messages obsessively to analyze tone or hidden meaning.
In relationships, secure attachment looks like emotional maturity. You’re able to communicate needs directly, tolerate small misunderstandings, and make compromises without competing over who’s a good vs. bad partner.
Anxious (Preoccupied) Attachment
Anxious attachment comes from rumination and overthinking. So, if early caregivers were inconsistent, a child had to constantly predict their mood or potential scenarios to keep themselves safe. Closeness to people with a preoccupied attachment style feels deeply important but also fragile.
Do I have a preoccupied attachment style? What do my tech habits say? Check the points that feel the most relatable:
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I check my phone frequently, especially when waiting for a reply.
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When a person doesn’t reply for a long time, I can contemplate reasons for not answering.
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When I don’t get an answer for a long time, I think a person has something against me.
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Emojis can change the intention of the message for me.
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I often send follow-up texts to “clarify” or reassure myself.
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I feel bad due to the number of my likes and views on social media.
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I can neglect the number of positive comments because there was one bad comment.
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I don’t like silence; hence, I constantly have background noise: music, TV, YouTube, TikTok, brown noise, etc.
If you relate to the statements below, you may seek reassurance in relationships. Hence, the distance can feel uneasy to you: you worry they may lose interest. Technology amplifies this dynamic by offering constant access to people but also constant uncertainty.
Avoidant (Dismissive) Attachment
Dismissive attachment style is the second most common attachment style, after secure attachment. Up to 25% of the world population is unavailable and hyperindependent as a result of this attachment style. Another sign of avoidant attachment is not liking intimacy: finding closeness intrusive or draining.
Technology for dismissive attachment style is a “helpful” tool. Avoidants use it to buffer distance while maintaining surface-level contact. Can you relate to these dismissive signs in technology?
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I delay replying to messages, even from people I care about.
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I usually don’t like to talk on the phone.
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I don’t like frequent messaging or check-ins.
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I often leave messages unread or mark them as “unread” to respond later.
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I scroll on social media to distract myself.
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I don’t like to say goodbye during phone calls or via messaging.
In relationships, avoidant attachment can look like a strong need for space. You may value freedom highly and feel uncomfortable when others expect frequent contact or emotional intensity.
Technology helps you stay connected on your own terms, but it can also reinforce emotional distance and make you even more convinced of your beliefs. The phone was your favorite discovery because it allows you to maintain closeness without fully entering it.
Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant) Attachment
Disorganized attachment usually develops in environments where caregivers were both a source of comfort and fear. This type of attachment style is the most common among those who have had negative experiences in childhood.
As an adult, this creates a deep inner conflict: you crave connection, but it also activates anxiety. If you relate to the statements below, it might mean that you have a higher likelihood of fearful-avoidant attachment:
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I love texting, but I can experience burnout from this.
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Sometimes, I answer immediately, and sometimes, I can procrastinate on messages for days.
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I often overshare and then feel like a fool.
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When I overshare, I don’t like to continue communication with these people.
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I check my phone obsessively at times.
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I block, mute, unmute, or reopen conversations impulsively.
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Notifications can feel both comforting and threatening.
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I cannot predict my own reactions to messages.
Is My Attachment Style a Verdict?
No. Your attachment style is not a life sentence, a diagnosis, or a permanent label. It is a starting point.
Attachment patterns are learned, which means they can also be unlearned. It won’t be the easiest ride. But you’ll learn a great deal about yourself.
You already started this journey when you chose this article. Instead of ruminating, “What attachment style do I have?” you took action on the topic that feels the closest: technology. The next step is more education. Are you ready for it?
